Wha_ a_ I doin_ _i__ my li_e?

It strikes me

When I’m doing dishes,

Standing in front of a shallow abyss

Washing away remains of

The once plenty.

It comes whistling by,

When I’m driving with the windows down.

Slowly staying put,

While the world around me changes,

Under the red-hued sunset.

It drops by unannounced,

When I’m in the midst of friends.

Hiding in plain sight,

In a cold-eyed smile,

While my eyes listen

And ears breathe.

It’s familiar,

We're almost a little like lovers.

Crossing paths at the wrong time.

Always coming undone

In succession.

A rude shock,

Or,

A disfigured impression,

at best.

Yet every time it visits;

I know.

But I don’t like

What I think I know.

So I think

I didn’t think it right.

And I think again.

And I now know,

I’m wrong,

To think I’m not doing

The right thing.

Destined

And confirmed,

By many:

It’s a beautiful life.

What am I doing with my life?

Ever caught yourself asking your own self this terrifying question? Often, the thought of this question itself is like staring into the eyes of the mythical basilisk through a protective screen - It paralyses you for a while, and soon, you have to leave the thought behind to survive. In fact, while each of us lives with this crippling question popping up now and again, few choose to address it, instead forcing our thought patterns back into the comforting box of tried and tested societal constructs. This temporary fix, while allowing us to balance our immediate emotions/ ideas, throws our beings into abject dissonance: a lifetime of blind spots.

Before long, you're in an Orwellian world: alphabets keep disappearing from your vocabulary till thought coherence is engulfed in unaware oblivion. And so, we're unconsciously engaged in "Doublethink"- The nurturing of two opposing thoughts at the same time; and accepting them.

Is this because the answer is difficult to envision or because the question itself has no end in all the winding profusions it contains? Take a pause to choose your "why" and feel free to drop in your thoughts!

This one's an ode to those of us who've lost a part of our language in paradoxical understanding of a lost world - Let's build a new one!